Been using bugfordinner this space for many years but I have this urge and feel to be a tumblr girl. Maybe when I'm sick of tumblr, I'll be here again. PS: I'll be updating more often!
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Come with me My Love to the sea
The sea of love
I want to tell you
How much I love you

Playful Mafia has been spending 2 nights at my place. Frolicsome as ever, he always put a smile on my face even when I am in low spirits. It's nice waking up to him sprawling across to me, the urge to play once he sees me opening my eyes. I've took him out for 2 walks n baths, happy boy! Can't get enough of him. He's a nice and good puppy, even when the gate is open he won't dash out. Once or twice, he did - but he came back eventually, after a few steps... My family loves him a lot, and he prolly does too because each time someone comes home, he would jump so much and lick them all around, before yearning to play again. And when they were heading out, he would see them off at the gate, looking so melancholic. Aww. Both mornings, I would be disturbed by his constant barking. Turned out he wanted to get out of the room to play with my family. My Daddy or brother would just stand outside my door, and smart Mafia would get so jumpy n excited - both of them behind a thin glass door hoping to play with each other. So cute. Everyone talks to him, like how we talk to a small baby. Sadly, it's just that lovely Mafia of his own calibre has no dog friends. As much as we think it is unhealthy as there is no outside interaction, I would love to bring him out for more walks n maybe a day or two at some Dogs' Cafe. I'm willing to sacrifice my time for Mafia, just to make him happier...

I don't understand why do people abuse dogs, or other little animals... They are innocent and harmful. All they ask for is love and to take care of them. I just watched another cruel video of a bastard abusing a toy poodle and it broke my heart. I knew I shouldn't watch any more of such videos because I'd get very angry and heart-broken. Till now, I'm still weeping away... If I were right there, I swear I would do the same thing back to him as what he did to the poor poodle. I mean, why would people do such a thing? Are their hearts made of cold hard stone? I don't understand...

One thing I often ponder to myself is, why do new problems come after old issues have been resolved? There are many questions that will always remain unanswered. A week or two of misery, sorrow n despair, I've been so worn out. If you're curious as to what happened, even though my 19th birthday just passed, I would say some things are not what you see from the outside. You could be having an awesome party with all the close people around you, but are you truly happy? Have you ever felt scared? Afraid of expressing yourself out because you know the things you are gonna hear and get back would be the last thing you wanna hear in this world? Tell you something new... Since young, I was always quiet n would choose to keep my thoughts n feelings to myself instead of expressing them out - I then happened to realize I actually kept more than just a few diaries! But one thing I never stopped doing constantly was to write letters. It is something I used to do almost everyday; even when I've no one to write to, I'd just scribble a lot of heartfelt words on any notes I could find. Months later, I'd gladly chance upon some of them in all places. This is a good way to remind myself of stuff that I've once written - both good and bad. Positive words, surely it's a thing worth reminding n remembering for. While for negative thoughts, I'll take them as a motivation n encouragement of how I've gotten past them n grew up from

Just recently, I don't really write anymore... Busy schedule; running around all day long running errands n settling stuff isn't a reasonable excuse for neglecting writing and reading, though. So I shall skip that part since I don't wanna get judged. Hehe. See, the bad side of being in a hiatus is that we don't let out our thoughts anymore. For my case, I've stopped sending my boyfriend endless written n sincere letters, n that's when all the problems seem even harder to be solved n get on with. As much as I could remember, I had been having a tough time coping with things, especially on my birthday week. It was even indescribable as everyday I was so immune to crying n breaking down. It was never the sort of thing like we were on a verge of breaking up, because we always have this strong faith and burning hope in us no matter how huge the problems have blown up to. But it had been extremely... difficult for me. Both R and I are short-tempered, impatient and sensitive - I'd say most of the time. Sometimes, it was impossible for us to communicate at all. I reckon this is one of the few obstacles couples go through together. Now that I think back, oh man, my birthday week was indeed terrible. Everyday was just crying and more crying... Even few hours before my birthday party, we were fighting so bad that I had zero mood to celebrate. We kept telling ourselves that we're gonna truly enjoy ourselves and put the conversation till after the party's over. For that instance, I knew it was impossible for me to spend a night with all my loved ones - and especially him - smiling n pretending I was the happiest girl n that everything was smooth and great. Boy, was I wrong. When the crowd started coming in, we were happy welcoming them that we soon forgot about the conflict and unhappiness we had...

The Saturday was at Hard Rock Hotel, Resorts World Sentosa. He has indeed put in a lot of effort for the 15th as if his life depends on it. On the 16th, it was my 19th birthday as well as our actual 1st Year together but the hotel rooms were fully booked on the 16th so we had a celebration a day in advance. The cake-cutting moment was one of the most exciting parts of that day - surely it was - because I got such a pleasant surprise from the Love that my huge cake was Snoopy! See cake... He specially arranged cherries for myself as well, knowing it's my favorite n he wouldn't want to miss out any single detail. What's more, Cherries, hmmm. It's something that would undoubtedly get me happy without a least bit of effort. To top it up, it wasn't easy to have that cake because he spent many long calls with the person on line - regarding the decorations n preferences of the cake. One thing I appreciate a lot too, was the Snoopy balloon he specially asked to customize. See balloons... We were still in grouchy moods when we had the room access card but upon seeing the balloon, it just made me feel so touched n loved. At least I know he's true in heart n always gives me all his best. The whole night was just drinking, playing n more drinking. The midnight strikes; Alcohol starts. Martel n Black Label wasn't even enough. Then, most of them left in the dawn whilst we catch a few winks. The next day was a walk around RWS with my family. After continuous hours of walking, we headed back in the evening but I realized I left the camera charger in the hotel room! So we made a U-turn back again...

Speaking of which, my memory is getting from bad to worse. Ever since Dad got me my Blackberry, there were a few times I almost lost it. All of those careless moments were brought about by my negligence. I actually left it at the paying counters n would head back n retrieve it from some honest souls. It's not that I don't appreciate my stuff n belongings, but it just slips off my mind so easily! Just this morning, I realized I have lost my iTouch... Can't believe my mood was totally gone for the entire day. It was a Monthsary present from my bf n all that matters to me was that there are a lot of heartfelt words in it meant for R. You know times when you just thought of something so you scribble/type down lest you forget clean about it again? I had a few important issues that I've been meaning to fill my bf in. Right now the unacceptable fact lies right in front of me, what else can I do? So Monday, which was the 17th, we visited Universal Studios (USS). It was great apart from the fact that it rained that day n brought much inconvenience n that it closed at 7pm while we had the misleading idea it was at 10pm. (I was still depressed that day because I remembered crying twice on that trip, yes things were that bad) We were checking out when I carelessly left the camera at the paying counter, yet again. It was then when the cashier chased after us for a short distance to return it to us, another kind soul. I would've popped a killer pill n die in silence if I were to lose all that fresh pictures we just took from the trip. It was so nice, so fun n memorable. See photos... We ended the night at Henderson Waves, talked under the broad sky n lightly cold wind about everything. I am pleased to say after that heart-to-heart talk, I stopped crying. It's a wonderful thing...

Special thanks to all the presents that I've received - Lots of make-up, though. Porter bag, my birthday dress, huge lovely cake, Gucci Rush my all-time fave a.k.a. secure perfume n USS tickets by my baby boy. My eldest brother for booking two hotel suites n the Gucci BB cover. My parents for their $$$ n endless love. My other three brothers for their $$$, present n infinite concern. Appreciation to the rest, who made the effort n everything else. I was hoping that my fave cousin Whitney would be there, though. Nevertheless, I had a good lunch at Cedele with her before her flight took off! A lot more words to be expressed but I shall keep them to myself...for it's 5am n I'm a bit shagged after a solid week of project meet-ups for the 1 hour presentation. It wasn't a tough job at all but I had been getting very little sleep. So, good night guys. Till then, x

Another busy week has passed, done with my business law paper and I was pleased as punch that it was doable — not as hard as expected. I did not study until the last hour before the paper, so I'm glad I was able to do it else I'd be such a dead meat! Roy and I are settled down in the new place with all the stuff in the cozy room. Pretty much done up and we hit Ikea store yesterday, got some baskets, boxes and what not. R and I both agreed that the most satisfying corners of the room are the area for my books and his display cabinet. For my area, as discussed and planned, we have a tall glass shelf for my books. Anyway they just take up two partitions, so Roy placed our love boxes on the others. The whole display set's very eye-capturing. But kinda shy that all the big boxes, cards and scrapbooks I did for him are all sitting on that big shelf that only an idiot will miss once stepped into the room. For his own cabinet which is beside the TV console and built-in wardrobe, he got his whole collection of watches and our childhood photos. So cute. I intend to save up more so he can have more collections of Mont Blanc on top of his own

So much about the happy stuff, we do have our little disputes and misunderstanding too. Last wednesday, I had a sleep over at his place. We started quarreling at 6am and I just stood at the balcony to cry my heart out. After my head started to give problem again, we decided to put all things down n went to bed at 10am. Anyway, I wouldn't wanna talk about this because I won't want anyone to judge him. Alright, just an insight. He's a heavy sleeper. Not just that, but he doze off really fast; say 5 seconds? So I was feeling pretty upset and I thought I had a useless boyfriend. I hate to lay in bed, so awake that I just keep waiting for myself to get sleepy. Speaking of which, I have a part to play in too. I should have curbed on my temper better, and better. Things just happened at the wrong timing. Funnily, he'd always think I'm the hard-hearted n harsh one whenever we quarrel. How I bombarded him with all the harsh words and attitude, while not giving a damn for his feelings. But here on my side, I do think the same toward him. How on earth can someone so sweet and endearing become such a cold and stern guy right in front of me...Until I threw my arms over him and he came all soft again. I hate how we quarrel and at that instance, it felt like we don't know each other. Just yesterday, we were back from Ikea, sorting out all the boxes and stuff that have been laying there for days. I opened up this box and they were all his childhood photo albums. I flipped through the first photo and it was him doing an ugly-adorable face. I was told that he'd show me all his younger photos on our 1st year. True indeed, it brought this anticipating feeling in me and I always don't ask him to show them to me. So I closed it back, and that's when I noticed an envelope

The envelope looked so unfamiliar and I knew it wasn't mine to him. I opened up (curiosity kills) but the pieces of letters looked like I wrote them for him, until... The words, the name 'She' called him, the signing off. Just then, he came into the room. "You might want to tear this up" I said as I passed that letter to him, head tilted to one side. Hey I was still giving a little smile. He opened up and we talked about it but my tears just kept flowing in 2 seconds. I was neither jealous nor angry but just purely disappointed that he didn't tell me things that I was supposed to know. I tell him every single detail of my life, literally of course. But it seems that I always find out stuff later that I hate to know/see/hear. Y'see, you always accept the ugly truths better if it comes out as an honest confession or self-explanation but once you find out things that he has been keeping from you (be it intentional or not to hide some small details that could mean a lot to you), that's it. And I don't understand why I am sad, he has to be mad. I told him to leave me alone, since for this case, what does he expect me to do. Forgive n forget the next sec? I can do that, but that won't come out honest from me. Right. After telling R to leave me alone while I sorted out his clothes, he told me to give it a thought since he didn't mind when he saw the past e-mails that I still keep. Well hey, those e-mails came from? Prashan? Sha? You know them. Now who signed out this sweet little letter for you? Melody? Oh who the hell is that

I don't mean to kick a fuss out of this issue again but every time I find out stuff that I don't like, it makes me fall deeper into this whole disappointing shit again. I was so pleased, or more than just pleased, that at least we have this new room full of nothing but just us and our stuff. It may not mean much to a guy, but it hell does mean a lot to me. I was the one who taped up that box, which the damn letter was in it, and wrote a big 'Personal' on it. Then I brought it to the new place, and even opened up. Hell right it was personal! I do not see things as they are, I see things as we are. I thought that we have such a special room of our own, free from unwanted stuff. But days after we moved in, till I opened up that box, I have been staying in a room with a letter that stained our relationship. Yes, he immediately tore it up when he knew it upset me, because he really did not pack that box and saw the letter. If he knew it, he would have tore it up even way before we moved in. But again, how was I supposed to buy this story? I trust him, I love him a lot. Just that I don't like knowing things later that aren't even coming out of his mouth. I know that's how a relationship works. Disappointments and anger constitute a healthy one; having pure happiness every day does not make a couple stronger

So to conclude all, I'm still very fortunate to have Roy in my life because not anyone can give me this much of love and affection. Throughout this 11 months plus of journey, our love has brought so much happiness, sadness and experiences to us. With him around, I always feel so comfortable. Even though there were many times I told him how tired I got and I didn't wanna have all of that anymore, he still hung on tight and believed with all of his heart that we would get through all together. He always believes and believes, never once has he given up on us. This is something I truly love about him, and it gives me so much assurance and faith in us too. Last Christmas, we started talking to each other at 12:40am. It was such a good talk because both of us felt comfortable and cheerful in such a long time! This year, we spent it together in a very simple way. Just the two of us, company that worth more than anything. We're turning 1 year old, and it's such a good feeling knowing that. Bursting from thinking of the awesome plans we made for the 16th of Jan. I love you, Roy. Always...